Hey there, and welcome to my blog. My name’s Bobby, and this is where I’ll be, you know, presenting. Not sexually, like an animal, if that’s how you read that (and if you did, dude, gross. Seriously.) Instead, I’ll be presenting things. Interesting things, like the UFC and critical review of children’s horror stories by R.L. Stine. Oh, and almanac-like study of various sports from around the world, which may or may not be of dubious factual accuracy.
Now, you my be asking yourself what makes me so damned qualified to talk on such matters, and why you should even care what I have to say about these matters, and to that I say three things. First of all, fuck you. Secondly, oh yeah, well what makes you so great? And finally, you’re right, I’m not particularly qualified, and it was wrong of me to snap like that. My bad.
As for who I am, the honest answer is “nothing particularly special,” or so I’ve been told. I have an undying love for sports, particularly the NFL and mixed martial arts, and was even lucky enough to corner a fighter in the UFC once, where I held the important responsibility of shutting the fuck up and letting the real corner men yell things to better let him hurt another man with punches in and around the face. I also love musical theater, and have been made misty eyed by a very specific Adam Sandler movie more than once, and I don’t mean from his time as a serious actor. So, all-in-all, a pretty average guy. Also, one time I shaved my head into an Irish flag mohawk on St. Patrick’s day, which was pretty fun.
Well, one day it was brought to my attention that if I was to ever make good on my dream to make a living writing comedy, I should probably get around to writing some comedy. I started my own site back in college, and succeeded primarily in upsetting a small army of dense Harry Potter fans, and little else. I eventually did get some stuff published on some larger sites, most notably Cracked.com, but since they aren’t too big on publishing articles that are “not up their alley,” and “kind of retarded,” I started my own blog. That’s what you’re reading right now, in case you’re feeling lost at this point.
So, you’re probably asking yourself at this point (if you’re still reading, that is. If you’re not, well, I meant that “fuck you” earlier, you jerk) what you can expect from this blog. A new article five times a week for starters, with one every day Monday-Friday, posted at noon EST. For your reading pleasure, these will be broken down into five easy to understand categories, making it all the easier to avoid days which focus on subjects you don’t like and, in doing so, deny me the ad revenue I so vitally need to pay for my food every day. Those days are as follows:
MMA Monday – These posts will be about MMA, also known as mixed martial arts, ultimate fighting, and human cockfighting. On occasion I will be discussing recent fights or general happenings in the MMA world (like when neo-Nazis decide to start sponsoring fighters) but my real focus will be on catching everybody up on the UFC, from the first violent spectacle, to the regulated, refined sport of today, headlined by a former WWE champion that’s fond of surgically removing horseshoes from colons. Though, given it’s a weekly thing, and will be interrupted by non-recaps, it might be awhile before I’m current, so if you’re looking to get into the sport, it may pay to go somewhere else too. Just saying.
Technology Tuesday – Honestly, the things I’ll be writing about hardly count as “technology” anymore, at least not in the way most people think of the term as encompassing cutting edge craziness, given everybody and their grandmother pretty much understands them. Still, this is where I’ll be regaling you with such things as posts about internet related bullshit (See: facebook, twitter, dumb shit being done on youTube) and gaming-related hullabaloo.
Wordy Wednesday – Literature is a dying medium, what with kids today only interested in their rap music and video ataris, but I still dig it. This is the day of the week you get to find reviews of Goosebumps novels, treated with the sincerity they deserve but so rarely receive in most major literary publications. Also on the docket for Wednesdays are short stories I’ve written and, starting in March or so, my NaNoNovel from ’09, about a Super Villain for hire.
No Alliteration Thursday – Thursdays are the catch all day, for posting all the stuff that doesn’t really fit in any other day. That doesn’t mean that Thursday’s are any less important or less representative of a great deal of writing effort on my part, and should be loved as such. Except for the times I just use it to post old articles from my former site. Then it’s significantly less writing effort than other days in the week and can be loved at your leisure.
Future Friday – This will be my grand forum of prognostication, on which I speculate about things to come. I don’t really watch award shows or anything, so this will probably be almost entirely sports picks for everyone to laugh at me about when I get them wrong. Maybe even a prediction of the world’s impending doom or two.
And there you have it, a primer on what to expect from this site in the coming days, months and indeterminate time units for which I keep writing on it. Check back tomorrow for the first actual update, and do stick around if you don’t like the idea of my hopes and aspirations dying a cold and brutal death. No pressure, though.