Times are tough right now. Money is tight, the economy is in the shitter, and yet the price of Ugg boots cruelly continues to rise, forcing today’s man to be more frugal with their discretionary spending. When it comes to the weekend’s fights, this often means ordering them with a group of friends to split the cost among many. Not everybody has friends however, or at least not friends that aren’t tightwads, which often leaves visiting the local bar that’s getting the UFC come fight night as the only option. While it is cheaper than paying $655 bucks (at least, for those who can control themselves at a bar, that is) it is not an avenue without peril, as any visit to watch MMA among the masses opens the door for any of these enjoyable characters, who can quickly make you wish you could actually hear Goldberg’s play-by-play.
The Conscientious Objector
Who They Are: People who are above the kind of low-brow, degrading entertainment that this bloodbath of a “sport” provides.
What They’re Saying: “I just prefer sports where the object isn’t to kill your opponent, personally.”
Why They’re the Worst: The Conscientious Objector isn’t out at the bar to do something as disgusting as drinking their liver into oblivion while watching two guys try to choke each other unconscious. Instead, he’s really just looking to focus on the first half, and yell at you for showing the initiative to be comprehensive in your vices. The Conscientious Objector is often a boxing fan, who is keen on telling you how much the sport of MMA pales in comparison to the sweet science, which is in turn a beautiful thing to behold, as opposed to, you know, two guys just bashing each other in the face like this ultimate cage fighting business. Continue reading